i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
