Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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