He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
