God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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