just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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