I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
