ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
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Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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