All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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