her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
