I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
