I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
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and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
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I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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