Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
