He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
