Can i not drive my cunt home
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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