we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
