Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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