The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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