Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
