He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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