Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Damn victory sex feels great
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