i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
