If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
