I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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