I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
