Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
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He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
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I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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