I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
