90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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