i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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