just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
