Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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