i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
