That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I've blown a few things in my day
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
