Who wears a wallet chain?!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i think i just lost a toe
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
