im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
