A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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