Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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