I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
