I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
