she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize