It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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