im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
