I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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