I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i think i have two assholes
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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