Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
