Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
