i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
