I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize