I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
