Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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