I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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