When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
