He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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