well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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