I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
