Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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