im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
