Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
In other news, I just burned my penis
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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