he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Found the puke drawer
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
