when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
