You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
