ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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