Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
