apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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