I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
