Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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