My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize