Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i think my tv is drunk
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
