Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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