Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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