Please, let me fuck your mom
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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