Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
